Okay, let’s get this out of the way first: yes, I am a rape survivor, because I know, based on the title, that that question was likely your first thought.

I am a rape survivor, but my story is a bit more complex; I’m also a survivor of child sex trafficking as well as a survivor of emotional abuse and physical abuse from peers. It feels so odd, by the way, listing these things about myself so casually. I’ve grown accustomed to it because what happened to me shaped my life so significantly it impacts every second of it, but in this context it feels almost like a job interview. Here you go, dear reader, here are my Rape Qualifications. You know, the trauma you’re supposed to list when you write an article like this one. Here are all the reasons why I’m allowed to have this opinion, because surely this opinion in an Unraped individual would be Suspicious. But I’m just going to say it with my entire self, point blank and up front: Graphic rape scenes in literature are necessary. I’d go so far as to say they comfort me.

Literature is… it’s a building block of a comfortable and holistic existence, in the sense that it is inescapable unless you’re actively trying to live a miserable life; the television shows you watch are often based on books or have themes/concepts that originated in literature (see: “The Vampire Lestat”, which I haven’t watched but which discourse around inspired this article), the education you undertake requires engagement with literature even in its rudimentary forms, many common English idioms are said to originate in literature (Shakespeare has a Wikipedia article dedicated to idioms attributed to his work that has so many entries they had to sort it with individual dropdowns for each starting letter). You Quite Simply Cannot Exist In Modern Society Without Interacting With Literature In Some Form, even if that form is abstracted or distant from literature in its purest form (i.e. reading a book). It’s just not possible.

Literature and language are not just building blocks, either; they’re also lush and visceral, with, when wielded appropriately, the ability to move, impact, and change. The right kind of story can reach into your essence and plant itself down, or soothe the ache that infects it, or lick its wounds clean, or deepen the wounds life caused. Literature is a neutral weapon, a vicious tool—a Mickey Mouse-style surprise tool that will help us later. It is a power, and it is powerful.

We see this all the time in people who will say things like, “This story saved my life!” or, “I relate to this character so much they helped me realize hidden aspects of myself!” or even “I love this character so much I want to protect them/fuck them/see them hurt!” And the same people who will write endless posts on how a story has impacted them for the better are often the ones claiming that rape doesn’t need to be shown in media ever because it might make people uncomfortable. The same people who claim to appreciate art will demonize art that depicts rape in its most realistic sense, without ever considering why an author would choose to include such a scene. They understand that art can impact, and that art is moving, but it does not occur to them that, for example, a graphic rape scene could be included to elicit empathy for the victim, or to inform people about the realities of rape that are not often acknowledged (that it can come from family members, that a rapist doesn’t have to be a specific gender, that rape isn’t just penetration, etc)—or simply it could just be that the author feels it is important/necessary to include for the kind of story they’re writing. There is also no consideration of the idea that the author may themselves be a victim who is recounting their own experiences in an attempt to cope with their pain, tell their story, reach others.. a myriad of reasons.

The victim is never thought about.

The lack of consideration of these aspects in discussion of media involving graphic rape is reflective of society’s overall, inherent disregard of rape victims. The victim and the victim’s feelings at large don’t matter. The disgust does not come from sympathy for the victim character, just as disgust about rape in real life often doesn’t come from sympathy for the victim; it comes from a focus on the rapist. It’s either how could someone be so awful or who made them this way or this makes me personally uncomfortable to imagine happening to me-– or it’s denial of the act and praising of the rapist. Similarly, with literature, the focus is almost always on demonizing the perpetrator, who, in these scenarios, is for some reason often interpreted to be the author.

The author must be secretly getting off on it, which is, of course, an inherent evil, even though a paper published in 2008 states 31-57% of women had erotic rape fantasies (W Critelli et al) and a paper from 2009 that studied female undergraduates stated that 67% of them had erotic rape fantasies (Bivona et al). The idea – at least from what I can tell – is that writing a rape scene where the rape is shown on “screen” as opposed to simply handwaved away just like we do to real rape = author must be a rape fetishist = author must be an actual rapist in real life (or support them). But these fantasies are common – how many of those women interviewed, do you think, are or support real life rapists? How many do you think are horrified by the concept of real life rape?

Do you think that those female undergraduates are monsters? That they’re going to go out and rape people on the streets at night for fun, or abuse people they know, or that they secretly want to rape someone but are just holding themselves back? Or are they a group of individuals who are particularly vulnerable to rape taking back the concept for themselves, fantasizing about situations in which they have power over the act and can fully control it, either as perpetrator or victim?

I am not an individual who fantasizes about rape; I find that graphic rape scenes in books bring me comfort. In a society where people are constantly trying to pretend rape away, seeing people confront the topic directly, brutally, and realistically is a breath of fresh air. And you know what? I find comfort in the fact that this makes people uncomfortable.

Rape is uncomfortable. It should make you feel that way. It should horrify and disgust and mangle, and the spark of that mangling should be at its core compassion, not simply hatred or fear. If a rape scene makes you uncomfortable because it’s triggering, I understand. If it makes you uncomfortable because you just don’t think it should be portrayed as the horrific act it is – that is where I invoke the Hold On A Sec.

Be uncomfortable. Look at what I had to go through. Look at how it mangled me into an amalgam of suffering! LOOK. DO NOT TURN AWAY. LOOK SO YOU UNDERSTAND.

Do you think you’re capable of that?

People often say there’s no real reason to have a rape scene, but was I raped for a reason, or did it just happen?

People dislike these scenes ultimately because it paints a picture that they don’t want to look at, and I’m sorry, but it’s time to grow up and open your eyes. You don’t want to be faced with the fact that by saying graphic rape scenes have no place in literature anywhere, you are in essence pretending rape away, and therefore silencing and isolating victims from their own experiences. I get it. No one wants to be told that.

But you have to look.